A Day at a Time

Well we are moving back to Lakeland to Rob's moms for now, I have a job interview with Saddle Creek Corp next week probably, waiting on her to confirm the time. Our phone is being evil because of the holidsy we tried to transfer it to Lakeland, and they can't do it, because our final payment won't post until Monday. So no phone until then, maybe later, becasue the electric is scheduled to be off Monday, and there is no telling how long it will take for it to be connected over in Lakeland. The saddest thing is I have to get rid of my cat, b/c I can't have him at my Mother-in-Law's, I am gonna miss Hef, he is so cute, and loveable.

You can see the point where part of life dies. Being grown up is not what I imagined, bills, being laid off from work, the boredom that come from being broke. The loneliness when you realize you have no friends, no one close to you, and no one to share anything with. I may have Rob, and spending time with him is great, except that I don't have any female friends, we don't have adult friend's to hang out with, and sometimes, I feel so very alone. Like now, he's working, I'm here, and after Xavier goes to sleep, I have nothing to do, except whine on LJ, b/c too many people read my Myspace now. That and I am so sick of the mind-numbing, soul sucking, perversity of Myspace, and the reach it has on people. I remember a day when I had high hopes for my future, I was gonna be something, go to college, land a great job, and invent something awesome. How does something change in an instant, and never get back on track? I see so many people taking things for granted, a nice car, a great house, a dream job, it's never enough for them, and yet there are those of us that dream of it everyday. Tears come every time I look back at my writing, and see that at one time, I could have been something, and I don't blame anyone or anything, that would be wrong, we walk our own paths, and mine went somewhere I didn't plan on it going. I only wish I could be happy now. I love the people in my life, it is the things that I saw myself with that hurts. One day my life will be great.

Well, since i became addicted to myspace, i no longer was using LJ, so I thought I would update this with the link to my myspace page www.myspace.com/fallenangelpurgatory. So now you know where to find me.

Decided to update while I have the time... Life's good right now, I actually feel happier than I ever have, except for when my boys were born of course. I hope everyone else is as happy as me right now!!!! Have a great weekend everyone.. Stay safe!

If anyone wants to see some wicked cute pics of me... Look at my AOL profile. I uploaded some cute pics on there. I need to dye my hair, and get a trim, plus i need some new makeup. Being a girl is so annoying cuase you need all these little things to enhance your self. MMMMmmmmm... Being a guy sounds better.... Go to AOL name DonnaMoore83 to see the pics.

Painted today for 7 1/2 hours, it sucks but it pays good, wish I had a girl job again. Life sucks, No guys asked me to dance at the club, probably cause I went with a guy friend. So people automatically assume you are a couple, it blows. or maybe its cause I am fat or ugly.

I think that life would be so much more simple if we were given instruction manuals. I find myself thinking about so many random things, that my mind hurts, not my head, although after all the paint fumes that doesn't feel so great either. I finally got to to go to a club, (Dragon Room), which was fun, it was nice to get out, but I went with a guy friend, so no guys asked me to dance, which was sad. It would of been nice to have been asked. So I think I am trouble, that's what i get told, too much for people, but not enough for the ones that matter. I only wish I could please everyone, it doesn't leave much left for me to please myself, but I wouldn't even know how. I can't be sure what would make me happy now. Maybe an island, but I would be lonely... and its the loneliness that is killing me now

You scored as Paris Hilton. You scored as fashion mogul, Paris Hilton! You are totally alike considering your blonde hair and not so big boobs. I would call you skinny too. Honey you rockk! </td> Paris Hilton 67% Mischa Barton 50% Pamela Anderson 42% Ashlee Simpson 42% Beyonce Knowles 33% Lindsay Lohan 33% Jennifer Lopez 25% Courtney Cox-Arquette 25% Ashanti 25% Katie Holmes 17% Which Hott Celebrity are you most like?( A CHOICE OF 10 Hotties!!) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Paris Hilton. You are most like Paris Hilton (you have similar features not identical) </td> Paris Hilton 56% Lindsay Lohan 50% Pamela Anderson 38% Michael Jackson 38% Ashlee Simpson 6% What Celebrity Could Be Your Twin!? (Awesome!!) created with QuizFarm.com

It seems like like is going in slow motion now. I am back living with my parent's cause me and Rob could not find a place to live. I don't really see him much anymore. I miss him, and think about him a lot. We are still a couple, but not together, since we don't live in the same house anymore. His family hates me, mine hates him... It is not a good situation. Sometimes I lay awake at night and pretend that everything is normal, that we have our own place, and he is just in the bathroom or something, and for a second, it does not hurt so much. Things seem to spiral further down, and I think that the chances of us finding a place and being happy are becoming more and more difficult. How will we ever have a good marriage, if there are so many obstacles, and bad memories, and horrible feelings toward us being together. We might not be soul mates, but being without him, still makes me sad, I love him, but wish he were more of the man I used to dream of being with when I was younger. The one on the white horse with a castle, but little girl dreams do not prepare anyone for the reality of being married, back with your parent's with children. It is all Afternoon special to me. and the sequel does not look good.

I got my haircut, and now was able to put a pic up here for everyone to see. Doesn't it look so cute! I love it!

Donna

Life sucks, now I know everyone thinks they already know this, but I'm Pulling out a whole new aspect of sucking. Like when someone talks to you, acts like they are your friend, and suddenly gets up on their high horse and craps in your prize rosebush. It's amazing how you can tell who your real friends are just by breaking up with someone. Suddenly people are no longer both people's friends, it all becomes, "Who side are you one?" Whoever heard of choosing sides, when my friends break up, I don't automatically choose a side, cause there are always two sides to every story, and loyalities? What the F**K is that? Unless it's family, this crap is the most unadult thing I have ever heard said, well that, and you can't wear a bathing suit when I am not around. Most people go through life thinking they will never be that friend, the one every other friend is ashamed of, b/c like me they let their new marriage fall apart, they step on a puppy, or push an old person, or whatever other 'evil' thing you can think of... It's so dumb that making a life altering choice can show you who your real by your side no matter what friend's are. Like I am some kind of monster b/c I let Rob go without stringing him on, when the feelings that I once had are just not there anymore. I was feeling resentment toward him, and it would not have been fair to keep the relationship going. He was all prepared to take it like a man, until he found out that I wanted to pursue another relationship. How immature is that, yeah I was ok with us breaking up, but as long as you stayed single, and made no real connections with anyone else.

It makes me happy that I have no more stupid friend's to bother me. I will live more peacefully knowing that I may have married a guy for all the worng reasons, but at least I ended it with him truthfully, He on the other hand feels the need to go behind my back to my sister, and other evil things, which I will never forget. Isn't it funny how a couple will agree on the terms of the ending of the relationship until other people speak up and give them dumba** mean things to do for no other reaosn than spite. The fact was that he was still proclaiming his love for me, and wanting me back, being nice to me, until I told him about being with the other guy. Now it's all about getting even. So petty, and people wonder why I left him in the first place... I'm not claiming to be a victim, but neither is he a complete victim either. He may have deserved me leaving the way I did, but he brought a lot of my feelings on all by himself. If I hear anything else about Poor Rob this, I am going to have to PUKE all over someone's righteous shoes... I mean it. Find me someone who is perfect to cast the first stone, and everyone can have my permission to stone me. I bet you can't find anyone perfect enough to throw a stone at me to start it! Feel free to comment... and yes I do love Rob, I am sorry he is hurting, and if I could take away the pain I would, but he does have our baby, and a family of his own to help him through this, so I am not spending hours at a time feeling sorry for him, and if that makes me evil, then so be it.

Well life is so screwed up right now, Rob will be home Thursday to a wife that doesn't know if she wants to be with him anymore, and a broken family. Life is so unfair, just when I thought my life was all figured out, I start feeling lost and scared... I just wish that everything was black and white, but it is not, and I am left feeling like my life is faling apart, and like I ruined everything with Rob, I broke my promise to stay away from Troy, b/c I can't, I don't know why I am so drawn to him, but I am. I can't explain it, I can't help it, and it makes me feel like I am being torn in two. I love Rob so much, but the thought of being woth him forever, and dealing woth all the same old crap makes me feel like a deer in the headlights, and when I am woth Troy I feel free, and stronger. Not that I spend a lot of time with Troy alone, there is usually so many other people around, but I still feel this connection that I can't explain, I have never felt anything like this, and it scares me, cause I wonder if maybe Rob isn't my soulmate, when I have thought for almost 2 years that he is. June 18th will be two years since Me and Rob started dating, and that seems like such a long time to be throwing away everyting and giving up, but I want to do just that. I don't know what else I can do, but sit here and cry til I hurt from it. Maybe I don't deserve anyone, maybe life would be better if I wasn't around, since I feel like the most evil person on the planet. I just want to crawl away and hide, and keep from hurting Rob, and Troy since obviously there is something wrong woth me if my relationships keep goiong bad, maybe I am destined to be alone, maybe I don't have a soulmate. Cause Rob's soulmate wouldn't feel like I do, or hurt him the way I probably will when he gets back in Lakeland...

Rob is getting discharged, and as I sit here wondering why me... Why does someone have it out for me, I think to myself, at least he's gonna be safe, but we will be safe and BROKE. I have started looking for a job, no more nonchalant Donna... So no more Social Gatherings at the apartment... Now it will die down, since I will need to conserve time for my love... I hope things go great, a couple of prayers my way would be very much appreciated! I just found out that my friend Val is getting married... That kind of through me through a loop. But I am invited to the wedding, where I know a lot of other people won't be invited now. I hope Doug is not sad b/c of it. I know he loved her. It makes me sad when couples don't work out. Although my hormone fluctuations make me sad about almost everything. I hate coming down off the Depo shot.. Crying at bunnies on TV, songs on the radio, my little sister's bouts of misfortune, ahhh... Perfection, where art thou? I wonder if anyone actually reads my journal, I hardly type but when I do it seems like no one hears me. Have all the sane people gone blind? Life seems so strange now. I am getting back into the social scene, which I know is not on Rob's agenda for me, but I feel like this life is not quite mine, all confused, and kind of hazy... So much has happened in the last four years, that I wish for my younger days, when I had money, and nothing responsible I had to spend it on. Lately seems like everyone is out to get someone else, and I don't know where I fit into the rabbit hunt. I look into my life 5 years in advance, and can't see clearly, I feel unstable, like I don't which way I should go, I have all these thoughts and random feelings, but I can't seem to make sense of anything anymore. I feel like I rushed head first into someone else's life. It feels strange I don't feel trapped, but just lost. I love Rob, I love my kids, but I don't feel like I belong to any of it. Is it wrong to wish I could just POOF and disappear? Not that I know where I would want to be, cause even that is fuzzy, but somewhere there has to be my life, what I am supposed to be, writing, wondering, living, dreaming. Looking for the one thing that jumps out and feels so right that I feel balanced, something I have never felt in my life, I just want to feel balanced.

Well I talked to Rob, and he is coming home early, I don't know whether I am happy or sad, since that means the military stuff didn't work out. He hurt his ankle really bad cause the bones are fused together in his right ankle, so he can't perform the activities required for graduation. He doesn't know how long they will drag out his discharge, but hopefully by the time he gets here he will forget he is mad at me. For stupid things I think, like loaning movies to Monica and Dave, not getting a job, and hanging out at my mom's a lot. +Spending HIS money... Although I thought it was part mine, for buying myself a guitar for Mother's Day, he doesn't like the idea, and when I offered to take it off of Lay-A-Way, he got defensive and said to just get it if I want it, which didn't exactly ring happy thoughts in my ears, I think we might end up being the first married couple to end up in couples therapy before our 1 year anniversary!

I went to Lillian's tonight and had two drinks, and watched some local bands, which were loud and sucked! I din;t get to see the band I wanted because Christine wanted to come home. So I missed Jay, Brody, and Aaron playing, which sucked, cause they really wanted me to hear them. Maybe next time they play. I wish I could of stayed longer cause I was actually having fun for once. Next time maybe I will take my car so I can stay if I want to. Or go out with someone that likes being out in crowds more. Not that it is her fault, she has panic disorder, and crowds really get to her, but I didn't want to leave, except for the fact that I was out of cigerettes, and no one had any... But I could have gone to the store and got some and came back. I wish Rob could have went, he would of liked the bands that were playing, the music was more his style than mine. It was nice to get out for a change... Maybe next time more people will go, since there were definitly a lack of chicks there! I needed more GURL POWER, all the guys we nice, but It felt strange not having more girls to talk to. All the guys were mostly respective of the fact that I am married and off the market, although they did say it was shame. I feel horrible taht it made me feel nice that I still guys still find me cute after having two kids, but everyone needs an ego boost every now and then. Rob think I am gorgeous, and that makes me so happy, I wish he were here so I could cover him with KISSES!

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.